What are you holding back from saying?
Do you find yourself in a position where you constantly shut down when really there is something you want to say? Perhaps you’re concerned for how that person will respond to you speaking your truth?
Yesterday I was listening to an audio that mentioned about a survey that took place. This survey was in the context of managers having to discipline or fire an employee.
Whilst the surveyed audience wasn’t just of people in this corporate position it was to general people asking two questions.
The first question was ‘If you had to deliver the news, how would you do it?’ and the second being ‘if you were on the receiving end of the news, how would you want to be told?’
How would you deliver the news?
Most people started to explain how they would look to time it just right to have the conversation. Then when they have got it timed right and are starting the conversation they would start by praising the person or ‘warming them up.’
Then when it was that time they would break the news…
All of this in an effort to control the outcome and to aim to reduce the impact the news has on the person receiving it.
An interesting thought really… Can you see this is how you’d approach a situation where you have to deliver some confronting news to someone?
How would you want to receive the news?
Now with the shoe on the other foot and you might be jumping ahead in your own mind. Checking in to see how YOU would want to be told the news?
And if you said just then “I’d want to be told straight down the line, no beating around the bush!” Then you would be on the same page as those in the survey.
Most people said exactly that. They would prefer to be told straight up.
Why is that?
They went on to conclude that the difference in view-point can be that we know for ourselves that we can handle the news. Yet when it comes to other people we believe they can not.
Whilst I can definitely relate to this view-point and I slip into this space at times. Yet what we’re doing there is saying that other people aren’t as strong as we are, which is total BS!
How many times have you been tip toeing around a topic and then when you finally deliver it you find the other person reacts in a highly understanding or accepting manner?
But I get it. Delivering tough news can be tough. So here’s a tip when it comes to breaking the ice for that difficult conversation.
Pre phrase your conversation.
Most of the time people respond the way they do is they aren’t expecting you to say what you’re about to say. So when you get to that topic simply just express that there is something you wish to say and ask for their permission to be straight up.
This creates a safe space for you to then speak. Secondarily if you haven’t got the words lined up also pre phrase it with “this might come out a bit messy but I’ll just say it and we can then work with it.”
They will then soften in their listening allowing you to be able to speak more freely.
Then when you do start speaking DO NOT use language that points the finger at them, blaming them for how you feel. This will have them on the defence straight away!
If you must, make a neutral reference to the event that took place and then express how you feel / interpreted the situation and then end with a question asking them for their input.
You will find this makes it easier to speak your truth if it is something you’re struggling with?