Big Boys Do Cry!

What have you made it mean to cry?

When was the last time you shed a tear? What was it about? How did you feel before and then how did you feel after?

See crying is a natural thing, it happens when the emotional system is overloaded or when the there is something you have been holding onto starts to shift.

In my video “Masculinity and Emotions” I speak about how for so long it’s been deemed weak for a male to show they emotions. Yet it takes strength for anyone, male or female to be in the place of their emotions and experience them in full colour.

Why you don’t want to suppress the tears.

Have you experienced something challenging and you suppress your emotions? What has that lead to for yourself? My assumption is that you’ve shut yourself down and possibly started to develop a numbness around this area of life.

Now I’m guilty of this 100% and at times maybe this is what we must do in order to ‘keep it together’ and deal with life through the challenges. Yet I had asked myself many times, is the flow on effect worth it?

In the act of suppressing the emotion we’re ‘locking’ it into our being and it creates a space in which we cannot go. By cannot go I mean a topic of conversation, a feeling of similarity or maybe a situation that has the same feeling.

With these blockages it restricts us, we no longer become as dynamic and flexible in our SELF then what we once were.

It is with this that we should allow the tears to flow, to allow the emotion to release and give it the voice that it’s longer for in order to move on.

The impact of suppression can take years to release.

Last night at dinner with some of the most amazing friends it has become a tradition that after dinner we pull out the “what’s your story cards.”

These cars are not playing cards as such, they invite people to open up and to share things they would otherwise not share. Each card has a random question on it such as ‘What is your best memory? What do you want to achieve in life? Where was your first kiss?’ and many other random questions.

How it works is we each draw a card and then go around the table individually answering the question on that card. Then we go to the next persons card etc.

Last night it came up.

For me, before moving to Sydney I used to live next to my grandparents and my Gran passed away about 4.5 years ago. It was something I suppressed at the time. I was unable to deal with it as I had been the strength for others in my family. As a result I numbed myself for some time and have struggled to tap into that in order to truly allow it to flow.

Last night a card was drawn, it was a simple question. “What have been the 3 best days of your life?”

A fairly simple question but instantly a memory of my Gran came flooding in. Being the last in line to answer this question as we went around the table I sat with the feeling. Asking into it to understand its purpose for showing up. The only answer I received was ‘to give it the voice it deserves.’

Then it was my turn.

We got to me. I again asked into the memory and received the same answer. I’m truly blessed to have these friends in my life and the space is the safest for my to express anything that is there. As it is for any of the others to share.

I started sharing and tapped deeper into this memory of my beautiful Gran. A lady who would light up the room with her smile.

As I shared my memory the emotions over came me.

In these moments it’s important not to fight it, just allow it, observe it, love yourself for it and be with it. It’s the blockage you’ve suppressed passing.

Sitting there still attempting to get my words out with tears rolling down my face and my body shaky I knew in that moment everything was perfect.

Love yourself for it.

In times like this you can be messy and that is perfectly ok, remember there is NOTHING to judge about the situation. It showed up as it did for a purpose and as time passes you’ll understand the purpose of this moment. The space that is has created or the flexibility to be with a conversation or to ‘be’ in a relationship in a way that you previously couldn’t.

It will all become clear. So if you find yourself in this space just allow it to come up and to flow. And if you’re around something who is in this space all you have to do is just hold space for them. Just be there and don’t intervene, allow them to release that which they have been holding onto.